Tag: fear

The Shadow of Death

by James, posted in Uncategorized

Super D has had a bad couple weeks. The poor guy has been sick. Sickness brings on all kinds of issues. Last week he had a seizure at school where he stopped breathing and his lips turned blue.

For him to stop breathing during a seizure is nothing new. He went through a period where every hard seizure caused him to either stop breathing or hold his breath. However, the episodes where fairly short. This was the first time he has turned blue from lack of oxygen.

I feel bad for the staff at school. The seizures themselves can be a scary thing. When you add in the fact that he might not be breathing, it is terrifying.

Things like this remind us that death by seizure is a real thing.

For the ladies at school, this is something new. For Darlene and I it is another facet of life with Super D.

We had to come to terms with this years ago. One of the first things we learned was there is a high risk of death with seizures. It is always with us. Death has it’s own room in this house. Some days it is hiding in the basement, in a dark corner. Other days, like last week, it is hovering over the house like a dark cloud. Either way, death is always nearby.

It is something you have to make piece with, because it will not go away. For me, it took a less than gentle reminder from God that Daniel is His child. I am powerless. No matter how much I try, I cannot change the number of days God has given Daniel. In reality, I would not want to. God is in charge, not me. There is great comfort in this.

I do not understand why children suffer. As a Christian, I understand God has a purpose for this trial. He sees the big picture and has allowed this to accomplish His will. To be honest, while I believe that, I do not understand it. But, I have a very finite view of things. Some things we are not meant to understand. Sometimes we can only trust God.

For us, we take one day at a time. We try to enjoy the time we have. As time goes by I think less and less about the shadow of death hovering over the house. It is a part of life. Every day I learn to trust God more and more. He is in control.

The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters. He restores my soul. He leads me in paths of righteousness for his name’s sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. – Psalm 23: 1-4

The Fear of Water

by James, posted in Victories

Shortly after Super D turned two, we took a trip to a local indoor water park or Josh’s birthday. We thought this would be a great weekend trip. Daniel loved water just as much as the other boys. How could this turn out bad?

But, alas, it did.

Daniel was extremely excited when we got there. He ran straight for the water. We decided to get a life vest for him. You know, safety first. He was not happy, but at that point we could halfway reason with him.

Then it happened. The giant bucket dumped thousands of gallons of water from twenty feet up. That was the end of the fun.

I do not know if it was the noise, the water, or the children screaming. Whatever it was, it absolutely terrified Daniel.

This set into motion a couple of years where we avoided water if at all possible. The fear of water was so overwhelming for Super D that when we started at the Britain Center he would not go into the therapy pool. When I tried to carry him in, he screamed and braced a leg against each side of the doorway.

The ladies at the Britain Center are absolutely amazing. Within a year, they not only had him going in the pool, but he was actually enjoying it. By the time he graduated, he was blowing bubbles in the water, putting his head under and even floating on his back some.

To this day, I still have no idea what the exactly caused the fear response. I am just thankful it is gone. That is, until he jumps into a pool on his own. (Yes, he did this last year!)

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. – Psalm 23:4