Author: James

Last week I shared about the Divine Appointment that lead us to the church we visited on week one of our search to find a church home. If you have not read it, I would suggest you do so. It is a great story of God moving to put his plan in place!

I intentionally put the first weeks church off to last, because the first shall be last and the last shall be first, right? Ok, I know that is not what Jesus meant, but my advanced sense of humor (as my wife puts it) took over and I found that funny.

The first church we visited was Red Rock Church. This was the first church Steve suggested when we visited with him. Living on the Edge has an office in this building and one of the employees is married to the children’s director at Red Rock.

Red Rock, it turns out, was not what I had in mind for a church home, but it was what God planned. In the back of my mind I was hoping to find a smaller church, which it turns out is not easy in Colorado Springs. While it is not huge, they still have three services every Sunday. And they are without a teaching pastor. While these are not deal breakers, they did leave some concern initially for me.

One thing that excited me at first is their affiliation with Northpoint Ministries. Northpoint is Andy Stanley’s church in Atlanta. I am a big Andy Stanley fan and am completely fascinated with their church model. While they are searching for a teaching pastor, Northpoint is providing video messages every Sunday. I have always told my wife the only way I would live in Atlanta would be to work for Northpoint, so this is the best of both worlds!

The first time we visited, I went to the information area after the service and asked the question, “What about special needs ministry?”. I had no idea the foundation God was laying for that question when we walked in. The church does not have a special needs ministry, yet. They had been praying for guidance and someone to lead it for several months. God began to move through the congregation. When encouraged to volunteer, several people indicated they wanted to do something with special needs.

This first visit opened the door to meet with the children’s director and the children’s curriculum coordinator. My intention was to get to know them a little better and learn what they were doing and where God was leading. Their intention was to learn from me. In the end, I left them with more information than they could process in one setting and they left me with a desire to be a part of how God is moving at Red Rock.

I do not know where this will lead. All I know is this is where God is calling us to serve. Is this His end goal for our relocation? I have no idea. I am not even sure what He has in store for us in the next few months. What I do know is I am excited to be in Colorado and thrilled to call Red Rock Church home. For now, that is enough for me!

Let me experience your faithful love in the morning, for I trust in you. Reveal to me the way I should go because I appeal to you. Teach me to do your will, for you are my God. May your gracious Spirit lead me on level ground. – Psalm 143:8;10

I began this series with week two of the hunt for a church home and promised I would come back to the first church we visited. There was good reason for switching things up. The first church we visited was a Divine appointment that began almost a year ago.

God set this appointment in motion last summer. When Darlene’s grandmother passed away, she left her estate to be divided among her children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren. This left us with some extra money we had not planned on. About that time my wife was working on some great Bible studies Chip Ingram distributes through his Living On The Edge radio ministry. We have used Chip’s material numerous times in the past and have benefited from his teaching. She felt led to give a portion of her inheritance to the ministry. It was not a huge amount. Neither one of us thought too much about it.

That is until a Friday, April 26th, 2019.

That April was already an odd month. We had moved into the house in Bonner Springs, KS sixteen years earlier in April. Now we were in the middle of getting ready to sell and move to Colorado. The house went on the market and sold on Thursday the 25th. Then Friday morning while I was running a garage sale the oddity began. We had perspective buyer come back and offer us more than the offer we had taken. In the middle of that craziness, Darlene comes outside to show me an email she had received from Living on the Edge.

It was an email from a gentleman named Steve who saw her name on the donation list and who was going to be in the Kansas City area. He wanted to meet for coffee to talk about what the ministry was doing. It seemed a little odd to me. Then Darlene tells me to look at his signature.

He lived in Colorado Springs!

At this point we had already decided the Springs was where God was calling us. In the midst of God answering several prayers over the sale of the house, this was one more reassurance that we were working and moving within His specific will for our lives. We agreed to meet with Steve and were upfront about God calling us to Colorado.

What was intended to be a typical ministry sales pitch turned into 10 minutes of ministry talk and almost three hours of direction and insight into our move to Colorado. See, God had laid it on his heart to contact us. He saw this meeting as a divine appointment just as we did. He has given us recommendations and met with us now that we have moved out here.

This meeting set in motion more of God’s leading as we began the church hunt. While we were having coffee, Steve was texting the office here in Colorado about churches with special needs ministries and getting recommendations for us.

And that brings us back to week one of our search for a church home. But that will have to wait!

Now faith is the reality of what is hoped for, the proof of what is not seen. – Hebrews 11:1

This is the third post in The Search to Belong series about our search for a church home here in Colorado Springs.

Week four found us looking to visit another church with an established special needs ministry. This was another chance to see a different take on disability ministry. This church is probably the largest in the Springs and has a thriving ministry. We enjoyed the service and had no concerns about leaving Daniel in the children’s ministry.

At least by the time the service started.

We got off to a bit of a rocky start. They do things a little different than the other churches we have visited or been acquainted with. They require advance notice before visiting and they required us to fill our their intake forms before coming. I am not going to go into my thoughts on this again. If you want to see my take, you can read about it in The Search to Belong: The Element of Surprise.

We were excited to visit this church and see what they were doing, how they were doing it, and how God was working in Colorado Springs. I filled out the forms and emailed the director about our visit. This is when things got a little odd for us.

It seemed that only having a few days notice was not enough. It kind of threw the director for a loop. We were encouraged to pick a service to attend and assured she would be Super D’s buddy that morning. However, we were also told how short staffed they were.

Now, I do not think the director meant anything by it. But the subtle message she unintentionally sent almost turned us away. In that moment we felt like we were a burden. It felt as if we were being unreasonable because we did not give a week or two notice before visiting. I try to be thick skinned and not let little things deter me in this process, but this one almost did.

I’ll admit, I went into it assuming we would either take Daniel into the service in the end or we would leave before the service began.

In reality, the truth was we had a instant reaction and read something more into the email than was intended. Don’t misunderstand, we upset the apple cart by not giving a week or more notice, but we were welcomed in the end. Things went well, Daniel was cared for and we enjoyed the service. My wife told me it felt like home. This church was a place we could call home, if that is where God called us. We almost missed out on a great Sunday morning because of a knee jerk reaction to a the initial contact.

There are a few things I encourage families and ministry leaders to take away from this experience:

• Email is a terrible way to communicate: If in doubt about an email, have someone else read it or pick up the phone.
• Be mindful of what families really need to know. Sometimes a warning about being short staffed is needed, others it is not. Use discretion when relaying this information.
• Grace covers a multitude of sins! We, as families with special needs, need to work daily to extend grace and not let fear guide our actions.

For we know that the one who raised the Lord Jesus will also raise us with Jesus and present us with you. Indeed, everything is for your benefit so that, as grace extends through more and more people, it may cause thanksgiving to increase to the glory of God. Therefore we do not give up. Even though our outer person is being destroyed, our inner person is being renewed day by day. – 2 Corinthians 4:14-16

The last post No Place For Us was inspired by our second week in the search to find a church home here in Colorful Colorado. I’ll come back to the first week of the church hunt later. It will make sense, trust me!

Week three found us visiting a church that already had a special needs ministry. It was nice to drop Daniel off and not worry about him. He also seemed to enjoy it. He really needs time with other children. He loves the interaction with other kids and seems to be really missing it the last few weeks. It was also nice to attend a service without worrying about finding a seat where the wheelchair was not in the way or being concerned if he got too restless.

We did something that Darlene felt was not fair, we just showed up! Even though they did not know we would be there Sunday morning, they had a place for Daniel. It did not seem to phase the family pastor at all. He had prepared for this moment. We shook the buddy a bit, as she had not dealt with autism and epilepsy before, but everything went smooth.

We have had several discussions in the last four weeks about what the appropriate protocol is when visiting a church. Darlene and I do not see eye to eye on this issue. She is a big proponent of calling ahead and making sure they know we are coming and are prepared. I understand where she is coming from. The ministry leader in me can appreciate the heads up. Nothing ensures a smooth morning (if that is possible) more than knowing you are going to have an extra child with special needs.

I tend to have a different opinion than Darlene. I will agree a heads up is a good thing and at times, like respite nights, is necessary. However, when it comes to the Sunday morning service I firmly believe we should be prepared for the family that walks in off the street.

My reasoning is simple: How many unbelievers plan their first trip to, or back to, church a week or more in advance? Perhaps most do. I’m sure there are statistics on that if I really wanted to dig into it. It seems to me most un-believers attend church after being invited by someone in the congregation. Likely it has taken multiple invites over several months or even years. Of course, in those cases the inviter would have likely given the special needs ministry leader a heads up so it would not be a complete surprise.

But what about those people God grabs ahold of at 11:30 Saturday night?

In our attempt to make everything perfect and avoid an undesirable outcome, we, as leaders, often forget God does not work on our time tables. What do we do when a child with autism has a meltdown in a store where Bertha-better-than-you insists on telling the parents how it is their fault and God grabs their hearts? What about the desperate parents who are on the way home from the hospital because their child had a six hour seizure and they have no where else to turn?

What do we do, church, when God moves outside of our plan?

I want to drop in and turn their world upside down. I want to know that other families with special needs that I invite can show up and be cared for. I want to know that the broken parents have a place to turn to when God calls. Don’t get me wrong, I understand that is not easy. I know that is not fair. It is hard enough to staff a special needs ministry with volunteers to cover those kids you know will be there. Staffing an extra person or two makes the job even more difficult. Trust me, I have been there. In the end it is worth it if we can remove one more excuse people use for not attending church.

For those churches who are just establishing a ministry or are simply trying to be prepared, do not stress if you can not accommodate a family that weekend. If you only have two volunteers and they are both on vacation you will just have to explain that to the family. I would love to tell you every parent will be forgiving if that happens, but some won’t. As a leader I understand the stress this situation can induce and the feelings of failure when things do not go as planned. The great thing is a little grace goes a long way. If God is moving in their life, they will be back next week when your volunteers are there.

No matter how hard we try to plan for every situation, we cannot. God’s ways are not our ways. We can only do the best we are able and allow the Spirit to move when a situation arises that we have not planned or trained for. You never know, God may be working on a new volunteer that needs a new family to push them into ministry.

“For which of you, wanting to build a tower, doesn’t first sit down and calculate the cost to see if he has enough to complete it? Otherwise, after he has laid the foundation and cannot finish it, all the onlookers will begin to ridicule him, saying, ‘This man started to build and wasn’t able to finish.’” – Luke 14:28-30

We have been in Colorado Springs for almost a month now. We took a nice week off and began looking for a church home the second weekend here. So far we have visited three different churches and met three different situations a family with special needs might encounter. Out of the three so far only one has had a special needs ministry.

We have been very fortunate up to this point. When Daniel was diagnosed with epilepsy the church we belonged to jumped in with both feet. When we left there, the next church had the beginnings of a special needs ministry so they welcomed us with open arms. We have never experienced a church setting where we were not wanted or welcomed. That changed last week.

I should clarify something before I go on. There are times when there is no doubt you and your child with special needs are not welcome. Many families face this reality weekly in the American church. Often a trip to church is no different than a trip to the store with people staring and making derogatory or inappropriate comments.  Many times the families are being told to leave or that they are not welcome, in so many words. I have had other Christians scoff in disbelief when I tell them the church is not always welcoming. I am with them, I find it unfathomable to think that someone is not welcome in the house of the Lord. Those of you who do not subscribe to the whole Christianity thing are probably screaming at the computer now: “I told you, church is full of hypocrites!”. To which I would say, yes, yes it is. We often forget as church people that we are still sinners who give into our own fears, desires, evil motives and misguided beliefs. It is those things that cause churches to exclude the people that received three-fourths of Christ’s recorded miracles in Scripture.

There are times, however, when being not wanted or welcomed are subjective. Often times we as parents of children with special needs perceive we are not wanted because of things families with typical developing children may not see. Many parents are forced to attend events with their child if he/she wants to participate. Other parents and church leaders may not see an issue, but to us this sends a loud message. It might be something as simple as the teacher ignoring the child with special needs. We want our kids to be included and treated like every other child, as far as their abilities allow. These are the things many don’t see that we do.

Some of you may be reading this and thinking we should get over it. You are too sensitive. Maybe we are. But if we are it is because the world has made us this way. What parents of a typical developing children may not understand is how our children can be treated in the world. We have all watched our children be discriminated, mocked and even insulted. We see their feelings get hurt. We see the push to end bulling in the schools, but at times wonder if it really applies to those with special needs. I know I have become calloused and somewhat jaded; quick to be offended and slow to offer grace. So, yes, I am probably too sensitive, but you would be too. It’s a negative side affect of standing up for those who cannot stand for themselves; for being the voice of the voiceless.

For us, it was the second case. It was a subjective case. See, we were very welcomed at this particular church. They were happy to see us, we were greeted warmly by numerous people. Someone guided us to where we needed to be to get Ben checked in. We were ushered to a seat where Daniel could sit in his wheelchair during the service. A staff member sat in front of us  and after the service was happy to answer any questions we had. I felt welcomed and accepted by all.

Still, there was no place for US.

While they had things for the kids and small groups for us, they did not have a place for Daniel. When we asked about special needs, they admitted they had nothing. They are a three year old church plant and said they can not do everything. I would agree. Churches tend to spread themselves too thin trying to do every good thing instead of focusing on one or two great things. I do not fault them at all for this. A church has to follow the prompting of God first and foremost.

We suddenly found ourselves in the 55% of church going families with special needs who have to keep their child from participating or are expected to stay with the child if they are going to participate. (https://church4everychild.org/2016/02/09/what-are-the-stats-on-disability-and-church/) I was told that maybe we could help start one if we decided to attend there. While that is what I have been called to Colorado for, there is a big difference between “maybe” and another church we are talking to that has been praying for a ministry for months.

There is, however, a fundamental flaw in the argument that churches cannot do it all. The church is called to do one thing and one thing alone: MINISTER TO THE WORLD. Not every church is called to reach every people group. That is why we have different churches and God gives each one different passions. Regardless of what the specific passion a church has, it is still called to minister to people. Somewhere throughout the years special needs was pushed into a category all its own. Instead of seeing those with a disability as people who we need to minister to, they are seen as a ministry to be taken on by only those who are called to it.

Jesus had compassion for those with disabilities. When the crowds rebuked the blind, sick and the lame for crying out to Him, he healed and blessed. Jesus routinely healed and ministered to those with special needs. He saw them as people who, while having physical and mental needs, needed a Savior more. So he addressed the worldly ailments so that the spiritual ailments could ultimately be cured.

I’m not advocating that all churches need full blown disability ministries with sensory rooms and monthly respite nights. Churches like Grace Church in Overland Park, KS have a specific calling spearheaded by an advocate who knows what God has called him to. I believe only a few are called to that scope of ministry, but all are called to minister to people who are broken and lost. That is how Jesus saw those with disabilities; as people, not ministries.

So what does that look like? Simple, showing compassion on families and individuals with special needs. Being prepared for the day when a families walks through the door who needs some extra assistance to attend church. Being ready to come alongside the young family who has just gotten the autism diagnosis. It means seeing the people first.

But how do we do that you might ask. Simple:

• Fast and pray!!!
• Locate the one person in the congregation who God has placed the most compassion for special needs on their hearts. It is likely not a staff member!
• Get training for the person you have identified and your children’s ministry staff.
• Give the person you have identified the ability and encouragement to build a small team to assist them.
• Give God room to work!

Your specific church may never need those volunteers, but it is far better to be prepared than to be blindsided and miss an opportunity to advance the Kingdom by loving on a family who is hurting. The sad truth is, autism alone is on the rise. One child out of fifty-nine is diagnosed with autism. The likelihood of your children’s ministry having a child with autism grows every year. Many parents will not tell you about their child’s diagnosis out of fear. You owe it to those your church serves along with the volunteers who work with the kids to be prepared. It only takes a split second for a possible situation to turn into a full blown emergency.

If your church needs help with training or resources send me a message through the contact form. I would love to help you on the journey.

Jesus continued going around to all the towns and villages, teaching in their synagogues, preaching the good news of the kingdom, and healing every disease and every sickness. When he saw the crowds, he felt compassion for them, because they were distressed and dejected, like sheep without a shepherd. Then he said to his disciples, “The harvest is abundant, but the workers are few. Therefore, pray to the Lord of the harvest to send out workers into his harvest.” – Matthew 9:35-38 CSB