The Search to Belong: The Element of Surprise

The last post No Place For Us was inspired by our second week in the search to find a church home here in Colorful Colorado. I’ll come back to the first week of the church hunt later. It will make sense, trust me!

Week three found us visiting a church that already had a special needs ministry. It was nice to drop Daniel off and not worry about him. He also seemed to enjoy it. He really needs time with other children. He loves the interaction with other kids and seems to be really missing it the last few weeks. It was also nice to attend a service without worrying about finding a seat where the wheelchair was not in the way or being concerned if he got too restless.

We did something that Darlene felt was not fair, we just showed up! Even though they did not know we would be there Sunday morning, they had a place for Daniel. It did not seem to phase the family pastor at all. He had prepared for this moment. We shook the buddy a bit, as she had not dealt with autism and epilepsy before, but everything went smooth.

We have had several discussions in the last four weeks about what the appropriate protocol is when visiting a church. Darlene and I do not see eye to eye on this issue. She is a big proponent of calling ahead and making sure they know we are coming and are prepared. I understand where she is coming from. The ministry leader in me can appreciate the heads up. Nothing ensures a smooth morning (if that is possible) more than knowing you are going to have an extra child with special needs.

I tend to have a different opinion than Darlene. I will agree a heads up is a good thing and at times, like respite nights, is necessary. However, when it comes to the Sunday morning service I firmly believe we should be prepared for the family that walks in off the street.

My reasoning is simple: How many unbelievers plan their first trip to, or back to, church a week or more in advance? Perhaps most do. I’m sure there are statistics on that if I really wanted to dig into it. It seems to me most un-believers attend church after being invited by someone in the congregation. Likely it has taken multiple invites over several months or even years. Of course, in those cases the inviter would have likely given the special needs ministry leader a heads up so it would not be a complete surprise.

But what about those people God grabs ahold of at 11:30 Saturday night?

In our attempt to make everything perfect and avoid an undesirable outcome, we, as leaders, often forget God does not work on our time tables. What do we do when a child with autism has a meltdown in a store where Bertha-better-than-you insists on telling the parents how it is their fault and God grabs their hearts? What about the desperate parents who are on the way home from the hospital because their child had a six hour seizure and they have no where else to turn?

What do we do, church, when God moves outside of our plan?

I want to drop in and turn their world upside down. I want to know that other families with special needs that I invite can show up and be cared for. I want to know that the broken parents have a place to turn to when God calls. Don’t get me wrong, I understand that is not easy. I know that is not fair. It is hard enough to staff a special needs ministry with volunteers to cover those kids you know will be there. Staffing an extra person or two makes the job even more difficult. Trust me, I have been there. In the end it is worth it if we can remove one more excuse people use for not attending church.

For those churches who are just establishing a ministry or are simply trying to be prepared, do not stress if you can not accommodate a family that weekend. If you only have two volunteers and they are both on vacation you will just have to explain that to the family. I would love to tell you every parent will be forgiving if that happens, but some won’t. As a leader I understand the stress this situation can induce and the feelings of failure when things do not go as planned. The great thing is a little grace goes a long way. If God is moving in their life, they will be back next week when your volunteers are there.

No matter how hard we try to plan for every situation, we cannot. God’s ways are not our ways. We can only do the best we are able and allow the Spirit to move when a situation arises that we have not planned or trained for. You never know, God may be working on a new volunteer that needs a new family to push them into ministry.

“For which of you, wanting to build a tower, doesn’t first sit down and calculate the cost to see if he has enough to complete it? Otherwise, after he has laid the foundation and cannot finish it, all the onlookers will begin to ridicule him, saying, ‘This man started to build and wasn’t able to finish.’” – Luke 14:28-30